In Part 1 of this blog post, we examined how your beliefs about yourself formed when you were a child, shaping the behaviors, patterns and habits that you have carried into adulthood. These thoughts, feelings and behaviors have influenced every relationship in your life, dictating who you have let into your life, and why.
As I mentioned at the end of Part 1, the good news is that you can change your life. You don’t have to remain stuck in those patterns, habits and routines for the rest of your life. You can get what you want and feel happy and good!
If you are willing to understand the ins and outs, the whys and the workings of your mind that has you trapped in these patterns, you can cultivate the power to change your life. Remember, you are the architect of your life. You have simply allowed someone to remove the pencil from your hand. The blueprint of your life awaits for you to create your own divine design.
Your brain and its neural networks are plastic, just waiting to learn new things and to be worked and molded. When you program your body chemistry through choice, intention, thought, feeling and action, it releases chemicals in your body that heal you and make you feel AWESOME.
You must decide what you want, state the intention powerfully in word and feeling, and follow through with the action. (Follow through with the action simply means, act as if you are that. Act as if you have already achieved the state that you desire. Study others who have already achieved what you desire to achieve, and place your own, personal imprint upon that desired state).
How Can You Begin to Change Your Life?
Start by following these steps:
: You must forgive yourself first by allowing yourself to release the guilt, hurt and shame. True letting go is absolutely necessary in order to heal. In addition to forgiving yourself, you must forgive the initial, primary caretakers of your life, as they unknowingly passed their traits on to you. Their cycles are habitual, too. If you still feel stuck, you have some forgiving to do.
Break the cycle: This means that you must set clear, concise boundaries as to what you will and will not accept. Knowing how it feels to you will be your guide. When you draw a clear line in the sand and back it with conviction, this sends a message to the world around you that you will only accept the respect that you have determined that you desire and deserve.
Live life on your terms – not someone else’s: As you break away from abusive relationships and live life on your terms instead of the abuser’s, you might feel uncertain. You might long to feel what’s familiar, even if it’s bad. When you take care of yourself, however, tending to your own needs and finding out what feels good to you, you will attract more loving relationships.
Take your time: Remember that this is a process, a way of life, a moment-by-moment awareness based in choice of how you feel within. Does it feel good? Are you feeling pushed, threatened, guilty or badly? Back up. Retreat into your heart for a moment and listen to the messages that you are receiving. You might feel uncomfortable because this doesn’t feel familiar to you, and that’s ok. Your abuser will also be feeling exceptionally uncomfortable but will probably still act as if they are feeling ok. That’s ok, too. This is about you – not them—so be selfish for once in your life.
Rewrite your story:
Rewrite your narrative to reflect what you want. It is your absolute right to rewire your brain, behaviors, thoughts and feelings. What would it look like to you to take back your power? How would you write your story from the perspective of you overcoming abusive relationships? What would your narrative look like if you took a risk to live a life you love? Rewrite your narrative with abandon. Let nothing enter your mind except the passion within you. Put it all on paper. Remember, feelings drive the subconscious mind to create habitual patterns based on the belief and feelings around a past event. This truth will set you free.
Be truthful with yourself, especially when you are feeling abused by someone or something. Pull back your energy and remember that no one controls your destiny but you.
Bless your life and the lives of others.
Healing, or becoming self-aware, takes time and work. In becoming aware of what you think, feel and do, you will naturally be guided. You can then choose different thoughts, feelings, words, actions and behaviors.
I like to use meditation coupled with the subliminal or self-hypnosis MP3 that I created, every morning and every evening, and when I work out. I know that embedded into the music are the most powerful affirmations, calling thoughts, feelings and beliefs into existence.
Meditation is a great tool. Sit your body down and do not move until you have absolutely embraced the feeling of what you want. Doing this repeatedly creates new neural networks and rewires your brain. But you have to want it. In that wanting, you will bring it to yourself. Trust yourself more.
Moving Forward in Your Life
Feelings about someone, something or events reveal a lot to us. When you begin a new relationship, friendship or job, ask yourself, “How does this make me feel?” Define that feeling by naming it and writing it down. Is it a past pattern, or is it unknown? Does it make you feel bad, good, or scared? Then simply observe these feelings. In your mind, as the architect, redesign your vision. Play with it, and see what happens, because when you no longer are reacting to abusive situations, you know that you are completely free. It takes work, but it is definitely worth the effort.